I’ve come to realize that I spend a considerable amount of time trying to rationalize my emotions. Evaluating my thoughts, my day, my relationships, the productivity levels that I solemnly reached, the amount of water I managed to swallow during that day and no, coffee does not count.
I have these little imaginary boxes in my head, perfectly shaped, white, glossy little bloodsuckers, and I try to label and squeeze everything to fit in those boxes which gives me the illusion of being in control.
-That’s not realistic,Chelf, my therapist exclaimed.
-It’s not? What’s wrong with a little alignment Sigmund? A little introspection never killed anyone.
The more you think the more you analyze. Every issue becomes grander, every dilemma more intricate, every detail more and more thought-provoking.
I bet you too have experienced the painful small talk between you and yourself, in the wee hours, when you should have been sleeping instead of being overrun by overwhelming thoughts, things that don’t fit in boxes, embarrassing incidents five years ago. Strange feelings that remained unfilled, in the limbo of your glorious brain along with the friends you’ve lost, the what ifs, the could have beens and Schrödinger’s cat.
At least the cat fit in the box. That much we know..
You blame it on the seventh cup of coffee and scoff at yourself for considering switching to decaf.
Let’s get this straight: It’s never the coffee’s fault. Forget about decaf and take a moment to see why we are so afraid of the things that do not fit in our boxes, like a perfect puzzle. Introspection is an extremely powerful tool but when it leads to perfect alignment it becomes poisonous and instead of shedding some light to your subconscious it turns into a mental torture.
Let’s talk about the obvious: Not everything will fit in our boxes. Oddly shaped thoughts will never interlock with each other, some things will never make perfect sense, you wont always be able to assemble the pieces of others in a way that they’ll fit into your boxes. If life was a puzzle rest assured that there would be quite a few missing pieces and the level of complexity increases as you go.
Now since I’m better at puzzles than giving advice, how about we try something together? Let’s try to give up control and allow things to happen, say for a week. A week to begin with. Maybe we’ll like it and come back for more. Let’s join forces and try not to micro-manage the whole universe for seven days.
And while we are in surrender mode how about an on-line puzzle or a Sudoku game to take our minds off things? I’ve been hooked to these Free Jigsaw Puzzles to unwind when I cannot not sleep, when I need to stop over thinking and see clearly, when I need to stop obsessing over details. Nothing like a good puzzle or a game of Sudoku to help you see the bigger picture. Give it a go and report back in a week?
It’s a game-date..