LAHMAJOUN FOR REAL-LIFE MISFITS

Written by the_chelf@yahoo.gr

An unforgiving day in the city. Urban jungle. Traffic. Run. Stop. Notification.

Pretentious restaurants, massive amounts of steamed egg whites, protein shakes, breakfast menus that you don’t have the will to browse through. Coffee. Stop. Notification.

Random music from random cars. ‘Yeah, no thanks.’ Headphones. Ah! Misfits. Dig up her bones. Bliss. Another coffee? ‘Always. Thank you.’

Run. Meeting in 40′, photo-shoot in an hour. Not enough hours in a day. Stop. Notification. ‘Oh, it’s you.’ Smile. How many days till winter?

I stole my friend’s jeans, the day he started counting down days to winter.

Run. But in comfy jeans that remind you of good times and smiles, eating pasta together, no plates, sharing a beer out of the can, chopsticks and tomato sauce stained t-shirts. Our pasta is better than yours. We are the real-life misfits.

Life should feel like a movie. If it doesn’t, stop. Start again, you’ve been doing it wrong.

Food should feel like love. If it doesn’t you are doing it wrong. Start again. Get in the kitchen.

We’re making lahmajoun. It’s vegan.


  • 1/2cup canned Beets
  • 1 cups Brown lentils
  • 2 tsp Garlic powder
  • 1cup Mushrooms, white
  • 1/2 onion
  • 2tbsp oats (substitute with flour or breadcrumbs if you wish)
  • pinch of paprika (if you can get smoked paprika, even better)
  • salt and pepper to taste

Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. The sound of the bubbling water is therapeutic, isn’t it? Cook the lentils until tender. Drain. Process in a blender. Add the beets, the garlic powder and the onion, the mushrooms and the oats. Season with paprika, salt and pepper, and process again.

Now you got the perfect, shapable, vegan minced no-meat. How cool is that?

You can shape it into patties and burgers, use it in spaghetti sauce, pies and casseroles, anything you’d do with the actual thing.

If you want to make your own flatbread all you need is one cup of flour, one tablespoon instant yeast, a splash of oil, salt, and pepper to taste and let’s say 1/4 of cup water, but just add the water gradually, it depends on the flour. Mix, knead, no waiting time, roll out the dough, shape into flatbreads and cook in a dry pan. Easy peasy.

If you are not in the mood, get a pack of naan bread, don’t let that stop you. Trust me, it’s worth it.

You got your no-meat and your flat-breads? Start assembling.

You will need some tomato puree and spices. Cinnamon if you are feeling bold, paprika, cumin, parsley, garlic. Be an instinctive cook. Use whatever feels right to you. Live and learn.

Pour yourself a glass of red wine. Mix the spices of your choice into the tomato sauce. Preheat the oven. Pour spoonfuls of the sauce on each flatbread. Be generous. Add the minced no-meat. Bake. 10 minutes should be enough. Sprinkle with something green. Parsley maybe? Yes!

EAT.

Still hungry? More recipes on the food section of the Chelfdom, right here.

Until the next one,

13 thoughts on “LAHMAJOUN FOR REAL-LIFE MISFITS

  1. I would have never thought to mix all these ingredients together to make a substitute for meat. It sounds like a great way to still have a good meal without the meat.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      I hope you’ll give it a go! I bet you’ll love it!

  2. Wow, this is amazing. True the simpler the better and I love this idea but I never thought about mixing all those ingredients to substitute for the meat. I will definitely try this ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks!

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Let us know how you liked it Jen!

  3. Neely Moldovan says:

    These sound so good! I would love to tr it sometime! I have never had anything like this.

  4. Life gets that busy and I get so overwhelmed. I love stopping for food. These sound so yummy!

  5. This sounds yummy. I would love to try to make this. I am wondering how it taste like.

  6. This looks really good! Also, you’re writing style is very poetic; this was a joy to read.

  7. Christa says:

    Iโ€™ve been vegetarian for over 20 years and have never tried anything like this! I canโ€™t wait to make this and experiment with other recipes. ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. It looks pretty delicious and I’m not even a really big fan of Vegan substitutes. I will have to try making this on my own. Very cool.

  9. Melanie williams says:

    Oh wow this looks fab!! I am vegetarian and would have never thought of using these ingredients as a meat substitute, but will deffo give this a go xx

  10. This looks amazing! I have been sticking to a plant based diet, so I can not wait to make this…YUM!!!

  11. Di says:

    As a vegan I LOVE this recipe. We had vegan Lahmajoun in London last year and I’ve wanted to recreate it but didn’t know how to start. Thanks so much!

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