I was looking at myself in the mirror for a considerable length of time.
I don’t spend a lot of time looking into mirrors so I was surprised. I was backstage at photoshoot and as it turns out I wasn’t looking at myself in the mirror:
I WAS DWELLING
Maybe this is why I avoid mirrors, this is what they do to me.
It probably started somehow like this: I should get rid of those split ends, I need to make an appointment for a haircut. No more damaged hair.
Easy Peasy. Now, how do you also get rid of a damaged soul?
A shampoo for damaged souls would be a real hit though, if you are looking to invest in a brand new innovating idea, be my guest.
You can go around triggers for a while. You can distract yourself in the hopes of a temporary relief. You can also get sucked into the black hole of depression surrounded by the echoes of your worst memories. You can repeat your key mistakes over and over again, in the name of research unable to determine your self-destructive patterns.
Or you can dive into a burst of positivity – probably the result of lovely Pinterest posts, convincing you that there are at least five-plus-one foolproof ways to get out of a mental rut . You can explore various philosophical theories while you are at it.
OR play the chemical imbalance card, to comfortably frame a mental illness within the limits of reassuring biology.
There are a million things you can do. But you probably can’t fix a damaged soul even if you try to brainwash it with a generous amount of damage repairing shampoo.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DAMAGED SOUL?
Be open about it. There is no point in trying to hide a mental disorder, emotional distress or scars. And there is no point in worrying or being concerned about other people’s opinions. If you are going to worry about something, worry about the missed opportunity to help someone who could benefit from your experience and openness.
There is nothing to hide. Excuse the Christian reference but we all have a cross to bear.
To yourself above all.
Treat yourself as you would treat a loved one in distress. What would you advise the person you love the most if they were in your shoes? Take that piece of advice and utilize it yourself. Or die trying. Personally I find it very easy to feel and express empathy towards others and yet, very hard to forgive myself for the most insignificant things. Being nice (r) to mychelf is something that I need to work on and give me a break. Cause if I won’t no one else will.
Enjoy it. Wait. Hear me out, this is not a drill, this is not a joke.
This is the essence of years and years of experience speaking.
From one damaged soul to another,
I promise you, you can get to a point where you actually enjoy it. Not always, not all the time, but it can and it will happen if you let it. Normal is boring. And even though you are not defined by your mental illness, it is a part of you and your experiences have shaped the person you are today. Maybe you are damaged; but battle scars are fascinating.
Keep going, there is hope.
Until the next one,
*disclaimer: I am not a mental-health professional or a doctor. I only speak for myself and from personal experiece.