MISMATCHED | THE IMPORTANCE OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES

Written by the_chelf@yahoo.gr

In life we tend to repeatedly gravitate towards the same kind of things. Books, music, things we do, eat or talk about. We form patterns because our brains know how to do that effortlessly. And we do the same thing with people.For me, it’s metalheads. I know that chances are we will most likely get along well, we’ll kick-start with  a common ground

and if all else fails we’ll surely agree that we both like Motörhead. Safe zone.

But what if you put me in an environment amongst different kinds of people?Outside my comfort zone? As an introvert I’ll probably freak out internally, smile politely and go on a fight or flight mode before I even get to make eye contact with anyone.

 

 

That applies to non-business situations only.

Somehow when it comes to business-stuff I know how to get along with most people, be a professional and handle things extremely well. Stupid, unreasonable human brain ha? I know.

A little side not for my newest chelflings who haven’t been following me for a long time here and might not be familiar with my background: I do not socialize easily. I’ve spent most of my life in isolation not feeling the need to get out and meet people. On the bright side this is how I created the Chelfdom and now I have all of you guys, which I consider my extended family. On the other hand I’ve lost all judgement and social skills, and when I felt the need to get out to the real world I did not know how to.

I did not know how to be around my own kind of people,let along everyone else. But I had an intense gut feeling that I should start socializing with different kinds of people no matter how scary or unorthodox that sounded at the moment. I had to start with developmental socialization. Meaning I had to start from scratch. And then as soon as I got comfy with that (laughing out loud) move on to resocialization: the process of rejecting previous behavior patterns and accepting new ones so that one can shift from one part of their life to another.  Easier said than done.

I hate small talk. I also hate being hit on.

So how do we do that without the fundamentals, Chelf?

Luckily I came across people who also hated small talk. I came across people who were neither musicians not metalheads but proved to be surprisingly interesting and pleasant to be around. New friends? Time will tell. Some of them already moved on and made other choices, that did not involve me, and that was a part of the learning process as well. Others, still hung around and text me irrelevant inside jokes because apparently that’s what friends do. I do like that.

But the important thing is that I am now able to tell you all these, because I decided not to shut people out.

Yes most of my friends are metalheads,yes most of them are musicians. But I grew past my current level and (semi) voluntarily allowed myself to be exposed to all kinds of people, get out of my shell and look at things differently. I’ve learned a lot about myself as well. Things like how far I can go to meet someone in the middle.

If you surround yourself with similar mindsets you’ll never see things from a different angle.

You’ll get a far better understanding of life if you embrace the option of meeting the polar opposites of you. Different people bring different perspectives,it’s an endless supply of points of views. Some may be upsetting, others interesting or entertaining and you’ll only be able to tell that if you take the step and go converse with these people who you otherwise wouldn’t.

If we are so gender fluid, fashion forward and open-minded how come we only socialize with a certain kind of people? Just give it a go and let me know how it went, sharing is caring and the Chelfdom will always be my and your safe zone to come back to when the outside world gets scary or boring.

This post was created in collaboration with EASE PIECES. I’ve been wearing and loving their jewellery for a long time. I have my ease pieces necklace around my neck to play with when things get awkward.

I wear my statement earrings which are a conversation starter “where did you get these?” to break the ice.

I chose to wear these pieces together in this outfit to make a statement about mismatched concepts working perfectly well together and complimenting each other in a wonderful, unexpected way.  Because we can  get outside our comfort zone and do what ever we want whenever we feel like it..

There’s a whole magic world outside our comfort zones, waiting to be discovered..Shall we?

 

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Comments: 53

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      thank you for the feedback <3

  1. Great post. Different people are necessary in our lives for a number of reasons. just as we may not be the perfect match for others but we do serve a purpose. Thanks

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Thank you for stopping by Joleisa! Yes, we do serve a purpose, sometimes I feel like I’m just taking up space but I need to focus on that thought right there: we do serve a purpose!

  2. Marjie Mare says:

    What a beautiful post. I always tell my introvert daughter if everyone was to be the same, how boring the world would be. Everyone brings something special to our lives. Thanks for sharing.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      my thoughts exactly! I wish I had someone as caring as you Marjie to tell me that when I was a little girl!

  3. i do sometimes have the same problem, especially when i go to networking events. such a drag sometimes ..and those small talks..yikes!! Love your outfit btw and the jewelry is very simple and i love simplicity.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      ah, the networking events.. I feel ya Huub! I’m so glad you liked the outfit and the jewellery! Ease pieces are all about elegant simplicity, I truly love the brand!

  4. Great points! And cool photography 🙂

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      thank you Maren

  5. I get caught in the same trap sometimes, always looking for people who are a lot like me. I am an introvert when I am around people I don’t know, so I have a hard time making friends. But once I am friends with someone, and I am around people I know, I come out of my shell. But I also agree that it’s important to at least talk to people of a different mindset to help yourself keep an open mind.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      It’s a trap indeed, I am guilty of that as well. Aknowledging the fact is key I suppose and as long as we try to mingle we should be fine Steph 🙂

  6. We need ‘different’ people in our lives too expand our brains and share knowledge. I love the idea having a statement peice to break the ice though i do feel it would cause a lot of anxiety for me lol

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      I can see how it could work both ways actually Sarah, as I suffer from anxiety myself. You need to figure out what works best for you as a safety blanket and use that to your advantage. I’m here any time you need to talk to someone.

  7. I found this really interesting and I often find it strange that my partner and I are so so different especially as I don’t particularly socialise that much and have social anxiety. I think it’s good to not shut people out all together. Also just wanted to say loving your style and outfit

    Laura x

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Thank you Laura! You are so sweet! Opposites attract they say! The love of my life is not a metalhead, that says a lot 🙂 he sure looks like one though to be fair lol

  8. It was work that actually helped me in opening up to new people .Loved the EasePieces statement ear rings too !

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      work helps a lot! If you can be yourself at work, sure. Now that I work from home I had to figure out other ways that required actual effort and I’m learning through trial and error

  9. What will we even discuss about if everyone is of the same opinion. It is so important to have differently thinking people around and this is such a well written post in the same line. Loved reading it.
    Also, I loved your heals 🙂

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Thank you dear! True that, imagine all the boring conversations we would be having lol! These heels are awesome indeed, I have the same pair in black and nude and cannot get enough of them! Thank you so much for stopping by!

  10. Mane says:

    I love your blog.I understand sometimes it’s hard to go along with people we tend to isolate ourselves. But it’s our personality and we don’t need approval from people. We have closest friends and family that understand us better. I love the earrings by the way 🙂

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Thank you so much! I could not agree more! And I’m so glad you like the EasePieces earrings!

  11. I think it is important to have different people in the world. Can you imagine what our world would be if we all thought and acted the same? There is something special about everyone. Sometimes it takes recognizing that within ourselves.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      wise words Ramona!

  12. Really nice photos! And I agree that we all need different people in our life, from each person you can learn something and they can teach you. We need to learn to use that.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Thank you! Yes, we do need to learn how to use that social tool!Easier said than done of course, but I’m sure it’s worth it!

  13. Okay. First. These pictures are amazing!

    Last. I agree so much. You have to be willing to step outside your comfort zone and try new things and sometimes new things are ideas that come from different people. Otherwise, you’ll live in a little box your whole life.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Amen to that. I’ve spent most of my life in a box like that…

  14. You know how boring it would be if we were all the same? I love meeting people that are different from me! Great read.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post Kiala!

  15. Love these pictures, your outfit is awesome. I so get this though, I am terrible at social interactions and try to avoid it at all costs, but I am slowly finding my group of people and they are very mismatched.

  16. Those earrings looks elegant. Your writing stimulated many aspects of being with people especially with those who does not in your headset. Eventually only one sentence has a full worth to tell: some people bring a little bit of heaven into world.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Thank you Bertha!

  17. I have an introverted ‘friend’. She started withdrawing more and more… not just from me, from everyone. I asked her about it, and now she won’t talk to me at all. It’s frustrating to have someone in your life who just disappears. It’s hurtful. And now I’m the bad one for trying to talk to her about it because I should know that she can’t have any sort of conversation about anything other than the weather. It’s really awkward, and extremely challenging.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      I feel ya. I’ve recently met someone like that, I tried to make my way into his life but he just keeps disappearing and won’t let me get closer. It’s frustrating and it’s definitely a struggle. Just be honest with your friend, let her know you get it, that you understand and give it time. Maybe she’ll come to you. And in any case you’ll know you have at least tried. Drop me a line anytime you feel like chatting!

  18. First, I know this is absolutely not the point of the post, but you are stunningly beautiful and photogenic. Secondly, and more importantly, I love how you share YOURSELF with your readers. There is so much authenticity and transparency here. I was particularly drawn to this line, “BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT I AM NOW ABLE TO TELL YOU ALL THESE, BECAUSE I DECIDED NOT TO SHUT PEOPLE OUT.”

    Not shutting people out is so key!! Congrats on taking a step outside your comfort zone!

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Hey gorgeous! Thank you thank you thank you! Let me tell ya one thing: I am not photogenic at all, we have to take a gazillion pics to make sure we have a few decent ones to work with 🙂 But it’s all worth it if it gets the attention and interest of amazing people like you. i’m so happy you liked the post! Transparency and authenticity, both powerful words, very important to me and the chelfdom that I’m trying to build. If we can be honest with each other despite our flaws maybe there’s still hope, right? Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to stop by and drop me a line <3

  19. So “It’s Time to Play the Game!” Sorry that is my favorite Motorhead song!
    Anyways I wanted to talk about your socializing or struggle as you seem to describe. It’s not just an introvert problem….I consider myself an extreme extrovert but I HATE Small Talk and tend to very much dislike most people because they tend to be very superficial or BORING! But I find when I leave my comfort zone of normal life & TRAVEL..I return to my happy extroverted life where I like a few more people than normal. Why? Because when you travel and make new friends, it is all new but it is also most likely temporary. These people have never heard my stories nor have I heard theirs. Most likely if they are travelers too, then they have great experiences that I can hear and even learn from. And if not, then who cares, I never have to see them again.
    Perhaps get out and travel more!

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Hi Eric!I have to say It’s all about the game and how you play it.All about control and if you can take it.
      It’s all about pain and who’s gonna make it.
      Not everyone makes the cut unfortunately and for me it was (well still is actually) a learning curve. Travelling is indeed a great way to get out of your comfort zone and try meeting new people as there’s no serious commitment there, so the pressure is off. Great tip.Great comment actually, you made my day <3

  20. You have such a great perspective. Love this. Thank you for the encouraging words….it really made me think.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      thank you love! <3

  21. Good for you for stepping outside your comfort zone and pushing your own boundaries. Keep going… you never know who you’l discover outside your comfort zone!

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Thank you Christina! Truth be told I’m terrified but I have to give it a go..

  22. Oh. You look so beautiful <3. I like your red hair very much. It's an amazing blog post also :).

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Thank you so much Hang!

  23. It is amazing to see other people stepping into the unknow. I commend you for taking that step outside your comfort zone. The possibilities are endless, the experiences, lessons, and knowledge that is waiting for us are more than what we could ever imagine, only if we take that steps into the unkown.

  24. When I am reading your post, I am just thinking of the reality show Big Brother (in India, it’s Bigg Boss), where people from different parts of the country, of different sections, characteristics, age, gender, etc are put together in a house and asked to spend about 3 months in the house. Let me tell you that I love the show as it helps us understand and tackle different situations especially when we are out of our comfort zone.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Haha, great train of thoughts Kavita! Yes, it’s a reflection of society I suppose, isn’t it?

  25. First of all I have to say you look absolutely amazing. Just very beautiful. I love the outfit. It really works well. The colors look good on you. As for connections and stepping outside of boundaries, I think more people should have attitudes like you. It’s not easy. It’s easy to shut everyone else out who doesn’t think like us. What’s hard is connecting with people who think in an entirely different way. I love this post.

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      Hi David! Good to see you back on the Chelfdom. Thank you for the kind words and the constant support!

  26. True words and beautiful post! Different people brings about different perspectives and while some may be upsetting, others can be interesting. The most important is to find the ones worth having around because not everyone deserves to be given the right.

  27. PEOPLE WHO ARE FAR DIFFERENT FROM ME are definitely people I want in my life because they expand my horizons on the world and keep me grounded and humble. The only thing all my friends HAVE TO BE though is MOTIVATED. I will NEVER EVER EVER hang out with people are aren’t. That is a VERY UNATTRACTIVE quality to me and I will NOT stand for it!

    • the_chelf@yahoo.gr says:

      I totally get it. We do not have to ditch our high standards, just be a bit more open to different kinds of people, right?

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